No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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