singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
