yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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