Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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