no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
