Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
