I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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