I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
