Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
