She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
