MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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