So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
