Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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