smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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