so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The struggles of a small town man whore
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
