the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
