Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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