fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
