Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
