Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
