she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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