we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
