Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
