oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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