Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
