the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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