My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
