Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
