What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Your cock deserves a montage
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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