Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
