you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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