Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
