When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
