I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
