How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
