Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
