I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
