You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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