see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
