There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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