I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
