I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
