Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
