we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
