I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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