I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
