In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
