I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
