I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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