you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your penis caused this!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
