Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My hand turned me down
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
