I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
