We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
